Damage
by Twirlergirl98
Summary: This takes place at the end of Mockingjay. Collins never explained how Katniss and Peeta got back together so that's what I'm doing. This is my first fic so I'm sorry if it's terrible! Please review and tll me things you like or dislike becuase I can build off of it! Not much happens in this chapter. Tell me if I should continue! I promise the next chapter will be better!
1. Chapter 1

It's been two days. Two days since Peeta planted the primroses. Yesterday he and Sae came over with fresh bread. We were silent as we ate. I had so much I wanted to say, but couldn't figure out how. The Capitol ruined our easy relationship, along with a lot of other things. I would make a list, but I would never stop adding things to it.

Now, I sit on my couch, flipping through channels, quickly looking away when my face or Peeta's appears. We have both been the subject of gossip all around Panem. "_Are the star-crossed lovers back together? Is Katniss pregnant?" _These questions have been asked since the day Peeta arrived back in District 12.

You'd think the Capitol would be tired of us by now. We've wrecked their nation, murdered their people, and demolished their precious games, but yet, they keep coming back for more. There's a knock at the door and I get up to open it. Peeta stands quite a distance away from the door with a small white box in his hands. "I thought you might want some bread," he says. I notice his hands, damaged, but healing far faster than mine. I can tell he's been baking. I can see fresh burns across his new patchwork skin.

"You don't have to do this," I say. "I want to," he says. I feel as if I should invite him in so I open my door a little more and gesture for him to come. He's hesitant at first, but he soon comes in. He sets the white box on the counter and I open it, finding two symmetrical cheese buns. I smile at the memories that flood my mind. I remember the days after the victory tour, after we agreed to be friends, when Peeta would bring two of these buns over and we would share them. "They're your favorite. Real or not real?" he asks. "Real," I whisper.

I walk to one of my drawers and pull out a knife. I pull out one bun and cut two slices from it. "Are you sure?" he asks. "Oh shut up and eat your bread," I joke. His face tenses and I know I've made a mistake. In our first games, he was fading fast. I was trying to be a nurse but I had no idea what I was doing and I said that for all I knew I was killing him. When he asked me if I could speed it up I told him to shut up and eat your pairs. The Capitol must have tampered with this memory because it had to do with me saying I was killing him. What I said was too similar to that memory.

His burnt hands ball up into fists and his pupils dilate. I slowly back away from the counter trying not to make a noise. "You tried to kill me!" he yells. "That mutt tried to kill me!" "Peeta," I say as calmly as I can. "Everything's okay. It's going to be okay." "You're a liar!" he yells, walking closer to me. I back away, but he follows me. "You killed my family and you tried to kill me!" he yells. He raises his hands like he's going to wrap them around my throat, but before he has time to, or I have time to think, I grab his neck and kiss him. He takes a sharp breath through his nose and he squeezes his eyes shut. He grabs my arms and digs his fingers into my weak skin. I almost pull away because of the pain, but this is the first time I've kissed Peeta since we were in the Capitol and I must admit that I've longed for another. It's not like our other kisses though. I've never kissed him during an episode. His lips are very tense and while the steadiness that he brings to everything, it doesn't feel like him. It feels aggressive. Like… like Gale. I'm about to pull away, the pain of thinking of Gale getting the best of me, when Peeta's hands let go of me and he slides to the floor unconscious.

What is going on? Shouldn't I be the one unconscious on the floor right now? I pick up my phone and call the only person that has the answer, Dr. Aurelius. He picks up almost instantly. "Katniss," he says a little too excitedly. "Is everything okay?" "No," I snap. "It's Peeta. He had an episode and now he's passed out on my kitchen floor. Why did he pass out?" "Wait he's at your house?" he asks. I hear the shuffling of papers and I can tell he's writing this down. "That's good!" he says. "That's improvement. What were you two doing?" "Answer the question!" I yell. "Why did he pass out?" "Episodes can take a lot of energy out of the victim of the hijacking. It must have been a pretty bad episode. How did you react to the flashback? Sometimes that effects how he acts." "I just stayed away from him," I say. I'm not going to tell him that I kissed Peeta. I can't handle rumors about star-crossed lovers anymore.

"Tell me what I need to do," I say. "Just leave him," he says. "If he wakes up in a new environment it might confuse him and he could have another flashback. Just put him on the couch or something. Now how are you doing Katniss?" I hang up the phone. I don't want to talk about myself right now. I walk out the door and head to Haymitch's house. There's no way I can carry Peeta. I've lost a lot of weight and I'm very weak. When I get there, I don't even bother to knock. I am greeted by the all too familiar stench of liquor and cabbage and a drunken Haymitch passed out at the table. I make sure to remove the knife from his hand before trying to wake him. When he doesn't budge, I pour a bucket of water on his head. He sputters and swings his arm until he realizes it's just me and the knife is gone. "What do you want?" he asks as he drinks the dregs out of a bottle that was on the ground. "Just come on," I snap and grab his hand.

He stumbles over some trash before making it to the door. When we get to my house Peeta is still lying on the floor. "Help me pick him up," I order. "What'd you do to him?" he asks. "Nothing just lift," I snap. I grab his arms while Haymitch grabs his legs. Slowly, we move him to the couch and I rest his head under a pillow. "Now explain what happened to lover boy," he says. "He had a flashback," I shrug. He gets up and begins going through my cabinets. "Got any liquor?" he asks. I yank a bottle from a cabinet that's been there since before the Quell. He grabs it and stumbles out the door.

While Peeta is asleep I run upstairs to take a shower. I set it on the gentlest setting and step in. It feels good on my skin, the combination of oils and light water pressure. After the shower I step in front of the mirror and look at the patchwork I have turned into. I am not the person I was before the Quell. I am no longer a person. I'm a fire mutt.

I should use my skin medicine but I could really care less about it right now. I open my drawer and grab a grey t-shirt and black sweatpants. I get dressed and wrap my hair in a towel. Just as I'm about to go find some socks, there's a faint tap at my door. I slowly open the door and Peeta stands, with pained eyes, a few paces from the door. "Are you okay?" he asks. "I'm fine Peeta," I say. "I'm the one who should be asking if you're alright." "I woke up and you weren't there. I got scared," he says. "I was scared I did something." "Well you passed out and I put you on my couch. Dr. Aurelius said that's what I needed to do." "Thank you Katniss," he says with a pained smile while he looks at my lips. Does he remember the kiss? I hope not. It would just make things complicated. "I look out the window and see the sun setting. "You should get home," I say. "It's getting dark." He gives a slight smile and leaves me alone in the house that is not a home.


	2. Chapter 2

**You don't know how happy I was to see that you all enjoyed the first chapter! I will definetly keep writing! Enjoy!**

I'm running away from something, but I don't know what. All I know is that if I don't run, it will kill me. Woods surround me as I pant and try to keep away from whatever is chasing me. "Stop Katniss, stop!" yells a familiar voice. I turn around and Peeta, with healed skin, runs until he spots me. He looks like he did before the games again. "What are you running from?" he asks with worried eyes. "I don't know," I say puzzled. It's as if I was running from him, but why would I run from this Peeta, the Peeta that loves me.

"You scared me to death!" he says stepping closer. "Sorry," I say embarrassed. "I didn't mean to scare you." He leans down and kisses me lightly, just as he used to. When I pull away Peeta steps back and begins to turn into a mutt, just like the ones in my first games, only this time, fire follows the path of his spine, making him a fire mutt.

I scream myself awake and look for Peeta, but he's not here. I breathe a sigh of relief and rest my head back on my pillow. It was just a dream. But it felt so real. The kiss, it was as if he was never hijacked, but then he turned back into the Capitol's creation again. This is the third time I've had this dream since I've been home, but every time feels like the first. The reaction is the same. I scream and then look for Peeta.

I get up and go to the bathroom. I'm sweating heavily so I take a cool washcloth and dab my skin. My hair, or what's left of it, is a rat's nest so I brush it and pull it back in its usual braid. When I go downstairs I see that the kitchen light is on. Good. I'm hungry. I stop at the last stair when I notice that not only Sae, but Peeta, is here. I stand there staring at him until Sae speaks up. "Well are you going to eat or not?" she asks. "Yeah… sorry," I stutter. I keep my eyes on Peeta as I walk to the seat farthest away from him. He notices my stare and gives me a questioning look. _It's not real_, I tell myself. It was just a dream, but it felt so real to me.

Sae hands me a plate of bacon and eggs. I use it as a distraction and scarf it down. "Well my goodness child I've never seen you eat like that! Not even when you were a seam girl!" I shrug my shoulders. "I'm hungry." Peeta laughs. Sae's granddaughter runs into the kitchen waving my plant book around. "What's this Katniss?" she asks excitedly. "It's my plant book," I say laughing. "We used to put edible plants in it so we knew which ones were good to eat." "So you could remember them?" she asks. I nod and repeat her. "So we could remember them." Then, an idea hits me. We use it to remember things…

"Well I'm going to feed Haymitch," says Sae. They head out the door, but I make Peeta stay. I lead him to the couch and grab the plant book on our way. I suck up my fear of him and tell myself not to be stupid. He's not a mutt.

"What is it?" he asks curiously. "Look at these," I say flipping through the book. "What about them?" he asks. "It's filled with things you wouldn't want to forget," I say as if it's obvious. "So?" he asks. "So I say we make a book… like this one… only this time we make it of the people that we can't forget. What do you think?" I ask. I think it's a great idea," he says with a faint smile. "I'll call Dr. Aurelius and have him send some supplies," I say. "Good," he says. "Now is there anything you need? Any bread?" "You don't have to Peeta," I shrug. "No. I want to. It keeps me busy."

I call Dr. Aurelius after Peeta leaves and explain my idea for the book. "What do you think?" I ask. "I think it's a good idea," he says. "It can help with the healing process. I'll send some supplies out today. Now tell me Katniss. How are you, really?" I hang up on him before he asks anymore questions. I'm not ready to bring everything out into the open because once I let it out, it will consume me.

Greasy Sae comes over early to cook lunch. I sit on the couch and wait for Peeta to come. "I invited Haymitch," says Sae. "He needs to get out of that house." "He needs to clean it!" I remark. "Every time I go in there I almost puke from the smell." I turn on the TV and flip through the channels until I hear the words "Star-crossed love rekindled!"

I let go of the remote and my mouth drops open. There, on the screen, stands Peeta and me, kissing in my kitchen. I always knew that my house was bugged. After all, you have to keep track of your victors, but I had no idea that after the games ended they were still keeping tabs on me. They don't show Peeta having his flashback. They don't show him passing out either. Showing that would prove to Panem just how twisted the Capitol was… or still is.

After the scene ends, they cut Dr. Aurelius, who talks of our improvements and that it is part of our therapy to be in District 12. That couldn't be farther from the truth. Maybe Peeta needs to be here but I was ordered to come here. Everyone agreed that the Mockingjay needed put back in its cage.

The scene cuts to a Capitol TV show host who says that more information will come from the star-crossed lovers next time. So they're going to spy on us some more? I feel a tear slide down my cheek and drop to my wrist. I was finally away from it all. I was finally away from the Capitol, away from the camera crews, but now they don't need them. All they have to do is push a button and I'll be broadcasted live from my house to every citizen in Panem. I feel a hand rest on shoulder and Greasy Sae kisses the back of my head. "It'll get better Katniss," she says. "I don't see how," I say. I thought it was bad before, but now they've turned us into a reality show. "I hate the Capitol," I whimper as I lay my head in my hands. I don't want Sae to see me cry. "You need to understand," she says. "What they're doing is all they know. They were raised that way." "Well it's hard to love them after all of this," I snap. "I'm not saying to love them," she says. "I'm saying to forgive them. They're like children. They don't know any better." I think of Sae's granddaughter. She doesn't know any better. It's easy to forgive her when she breaks something or is a pain because she _is _a child. "But they _aren't _children," I say. "They don't deserve my forgiveness."

Peeta knocks and then lets himself in. "What's wrong?" he asks. "Nothing, I say as I stand up and wipe the tears from my face. "Want to go for a walk?" I shock them both with my offer. I haven't left my house but maybe once or twice since Peeta planted the primroses. I guess I didn't want to see them. Peeta stares at me, his eyes suddenly filled with hope. "Okay," he says, the corners of his mouth rising into a smile. "How about going after lunch?" I ask. "You two go on," says Sae. "Lunch is going to take a while."

I have to grab Peeta's arm as I walk out the door. "Are you okay?" he asks. "Yeah," I lie. "Just don't let go of me. I want to talk in a place that hasn't changed, but the only place I can think of is the woods, and after that dream I'm not going there with him, even if it was fake.

We walk down what used to be the road that went past the meadow. "Is there something you wanted to talk about?" he asks. "Yes," I say stopping. "They're back." "Wait who's back?" he asks confused. "The Capitol," I whisper. "They're back. And they've been watching us, and not only that, but they're also broadcasting us as a reality show." "But I haven't seen a camera crew," states Peeta. "They don't need one," I shrug. "The houses are bugged." Peeta's fists clench and he takes a deep breath. "What did you see, Katniss?" he asks. "I saw us… in my kitchen." His eyes grow big. "Wait, they showed…" So he does remember the kiss. I nod. "What else?" he asks. "They said that they were going to show more of us on the next show," I shrug. "I don't know why I didn't see this coming." I feel my nose getting stuffy and my face starts to burn. "I mean, everyone wants to know what's happened to the star-crossed lovers. You can't disappoint the Capitol and their wants."

Peeta holds out his arms and I don't hesitate to go into them. "I just want to be free of this." He doesn't say anything. We just stand like this until I tell him I want to see the meadow. When we get there, I have to look away. It's gone. Well, I knew it was gone, but I was hoping it was just a bad dream. My friend, Madge, is somewhere in there. Somehow Gale didn't reach her or her family. "I need to go back," I say. A few days ago, I was numb. I felt no pain, only emptiness. Now, I'm feeling something, and I don't like it because I can't control it. "Okay," says Peeta. When we get back to the Victor's Village, Sae is still cooking. "I'll be finished in a few. I'd like it if you two set the table," she says. I pull out three plates and Peeta gets the silverware. Sae never eats with us. I don't know why. Haymitch stumbles in and plops down in my usual seat. "Hey sweetheart," he says, obviously drunk. "I saw you on TV." I drop my dishes and they shatter on the floor. "You put on a pretty good show. I actually believed you!" he jokes. I turn around and storm upstairs. "Wait come back, sweetheart!" he yells. I ignore him. I slam my door shut and lock the door. I hear a knock and Peeta asks me to come back downstairs. "Go away!" I yell and he does. I turn out my lights and crawl under my blankets.

I haven't thought until now about how much I miss my mother. I'd always thought of her as a burden, one more person I had to be strong for, but being here in District 12 without her, I realize that I need her too. I'm just a kid and a child needs their mother. I need her to hug me and tell me that everything's going to be alright, but I don't have that luxury. I close my eyes and think of Prim. If she were here, she would be lying beside me, comforting me. I realize now, after I've lost them both, that it was them that kept me together, that kept me brave.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while since I updated. I went to band camp... yes, band camp, and I haven't been near a computer! So I read my last chapter after publishing and saw all the mistakes and I facepalmed. I'm sorry! I get so into a chapter and I just forget to spell check, but don't worry, I did that this time! Hopefully I didn't miss anything! Don't forget to review! Enjoy! **

"Please talk to me Katniss," Dr. Aurelius begs me. "Well what do you want me to talk about?" I ask. "About how you're doing," he says. "You can't just leave me in the dark about everything. I'm your doctor, Katniss.

I stand with my hip popped out and my arms crossed, the phone trapped between my head and my shoulder. "I don't know," I shrug. "I guess I'm getting better. My skin isn't as sensitive anymore. "That's not what I meant, Katniss," he huffs. "I mean mentally. How are you doing? And don't stall this time." "It's easier to keep it in my head," I say. "It's easier." "By easier do you mean less painful?" he asks. "Yes," I say. "Well you can't avoid it," he says. "It can't get better unless it gets worse. It's like writing a story. You start with nothing, but then you have all of these scattered notes and plans that have so many marks and scribbles that you don't know what to do. It's not easy, but when you get these notes sorted and written all together, you've got a finished piece. You've got something new. That's what I want you to do. Do you understand?" "Yes," I say. "Now are you ready to talk?" he asks. "Why not," I shrug. "Now tell me how you're dealing with all of this," he says.

The funny thing is, I'm not.

"People tell me it will get better," I say. "People say it will get easier. They're liars. So before I answer, I just want to tell you not to lie to me. Don't tell me everything is going to be okay because if I hear it one more time I think I just might kill myself. So now for your question, I'm not dealing with it. I just push it out of my mind." "That's not good to do Katniss," he says. "That will just cause problems later." "Well it's just easier," I say. "Now I have to go. Sae is coming over to cook lunch bye."

I hang up before he has time to say another word. I'm tired of talking to him. Peeta walks in with a giant box in his hands. "What's that?" I ask. He sets it down on the floor and cuts the tape with a pocket knife. "Look and see," he says.

I gasp when I see the parchment sheets and brown leather book cover. I see several ink pens scattered around as well. "We can start!" I say jumping up and down and clapping my hands. Peeta laughs at my excitement. "It came in this morning on the weekly shipment," he says. "They delivered it to my house by mistake." "Should we start now?" I ask. "Let's wait until later," he says. "Sae should be coming over in a few."

Almost as soon as he says it, Sae walks in with Haymitch. "What's for lunch?" asks Peeta. "Chicken and potatoes and onions," she says. "Yum," says Peeta. "I've got some fresh bread over at the house. Do you want me to get it?" he asks. "If it's not too much trouble," says Sae. Peeta walks over to his house to fetch the bread and Sae has Haymitch and I cut up the potatoes.

Haymitch has his eyes trained on me as he cuts. He's gotten a lot better using knives since Peeta went trainer mode on us after the Quell. "What?" I ask annoyed. "Oh nothing," he says. "Just waiting for you to get mad like usual."

Peeta comes in and Sae tosses him an onion to chop up. By the time he's done, we're not even half way through, so he takes over while we set the table. "Sae, please stay for lunch," I beg. "Well I do like chicken," she says. I smile and put a fork down at her seat. "Where's your granddaughter?" I ask. "She's outside," says Sae. "She really likes those flowers." "Peeta planted those," I say. "Well you did a good job," says Sae to Peeta.

I call Sae's granddaughter and she runs inside with a primrose in her hand. "I picked you a flower, Katniss!" she yells. "Isn't it pretty?" I smile and take the flower. "It's beautiful," I say. Just like Prim. "Put it in your hair," she says. I place the stem in my hair and spin around. "How do I look?" I ask. "You look pretty Katniss!" she says with a giggle.

We all sit around the TV until the chicken is done baking and then we fill our plates. "Where's the liquor?" asks Haymitch. "At my house you're not having liquor," I snap. "You're having water." I pour water into a glass and add a few ice cubes. "Now drink," I order.

"Haymitch look!" says Sae's granddaughter. "I can drink out of a big girl cup!" "Well look at you," says Haymitch. I can tell that he's taken a liking to her and it's the same for her. "You're getting so big!" he says. She's the first person I've seen him act decent to. Where's this person come from?

After lunch, Sae asks what time to be back for dinner but I tell her we can have leftovers. It's time she had a break. Sae's granddaughter gives us each a hug before they leave. Haymitch follows after them and Peeta and I are left alone.

"Shall we start?" he asks. I give a faint smile and he goes to fetch the box. "I think we should start with Prim," he says. I can see the sadness in his eyes accompanied by her name. I'm not the only person mourning her death.

He pulls out a sheet and an ink pen. "Do you have a picture of her?" he asks. "I think," I say. "Let me check." We left a lot of things, including pictures, at my home in the Seam. I didn't want the forget that home and the best way to do that was not to take it apart, but now it's gone. Now it's all gone too. I'm just losing everything these days.

I go through my closet looking for a picture and find the small parachute that held the things I'd collected in the clock arena. A few weeks ago I found the stuff but I left it untouched. Now, I grab the locket and go downstairs.

"What's that?" asks Peeta. I sit down beside him and hold out the locket. "Do you remember this?" I ask calmly, trying to hold back the tears that come with this memory. He nods. "I don't remember it personally, but I remember watching it on the television when I was separating real and not real." It breaks my heart even more that he doesn't remember giving me the locket.

I open it up and show him the pictures of Gale, my mother, and Prim. I remember the words Haymitch said to me on the phone from District 13. "You and me, we made a dead to try and save him. Remember?" Yes, I do remember and that's what I'm going to try to do now.

"You wore this into the second arena," I say. "You gave it to me to try and convince me not to save you. While you didn't say it, I knew what you were doing." "What I was I doing?" he asks. I don't want to answer, but it's to help Peeta remember. "You were giving me your life and Gale too," I say. Peeta takes a deep breath at Gale's name. "You love Gale?" he asks unsure. I shake my head. "I thought I did. I chose him and the rebellion. How wrong was I?" I fake a laugh. "I was very wrong."

We attach the picture from the locket to the sheet and Peeta hands me an ink pen. Slowly, carefully, I write down all the things I don't want to forget, like Prim's ducktail, the way she could brighten someone's day, how she took in that hideous cat and she was the only one it liked…

"Can I add something?" asks Peeta. I hand him the pen and he begins writing. I look over his shoulder and try to see what he's saying. _Prim did everything she could to help with the hijacking. She was completely selfless. She put everyone and everything before herself, just like her sister._

I look away from the paper, the tears building up in my eyes. "I'm not selfless," I say. "I'm _selfish_. There's a big difference." Peeta takes my hand in both of his and looks me in the eyes. "You give yourself no credit," he says. "Because I have none to give myself," I say back. "Katniss Everdeen, you save Panem for crying out loud!" he says. "No, I destroyed it," I snap. "If it weren't for you, the 76th Hunger Games would be going on right now!" he says. "If it weren't for you I'd be dead."

He leans forward and presses his lips to mine, willingly, for the first time since the clock arena. I had forgotten how natural his lips formed with mine. I had longed for one of these kisses and now that I finally have it again, I won't be the one to pull away.

_How long have I managed so long without this?_ I wonder to myself. I told myself that I stopped needing Peeta long ago, when I thought he was lost. I press my hand to his chest to feel his heartbeat, the steady constant rhythm that tells me it's Peeta, and not the Capitol creation. In all the time that I've been back in District 12, I have never felt more comfortable, more at home than I am right now. I have never felt more alive.

Peeta pulls away and looks at the floor. "I'm sorry," he says. "I shouldn't have done that." He stands up and heads to the door, mumbling something. "Peeta, wait!" I start but the door slams shut. I touch my lips, which just moments ago, were full of life, but now are ice cold. "He came back," I whisper. It may have only been for a moment, but he came back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Someone had the idea to make the next chapter in Peeta's point of view and I thought it was great so here it is! This takes place right after Peeta left Katniss's house in the last chapter. It's kind of short, well very short. I just whipped it up really fast. Oh, and just a quick hint. The italics are the real Peeta's thoughts and they're trying to regain control of him. **

What was I thinking? Why did I do that? I knew I wasn't ready to kiss her and I most certainly knew Katniss wasn't. I guessed I just missed the way we were. I missed the way that we to be, before the Capitol took me. I should go apologize, go tell her I'm sorry for what I did. I should go over and ask her not to hate me, but maybe I shouldn't. After all, it didn't seem like she was too upset about the kiss, but what do I know. I used to think she loved me, then I found out she was just acting, all for the games.

Suddenly, there I am, in the Capitol. There's a giant screen in front of me and a tall man in white injects me with the liquid. The screen turns on and there I am, looking up at the trees and in those trees, is Katniss Everdeen, the girl they tell me is my wife, the girl they say carried my miscarried baby. It's very strange, the video. It's very shiny, the trees and people around me on screen looking strangely distorted. What's going on? Why are they showing me this?

The screen cuts to her face and she gets the attention of a little girl named Rue. She motions that she's going to chop down a limb and then points up, to a tracker jacker nest.

"Run!" I scream to myself. "Run, Peeta! Get out of there! She's trying to kill you!" But of course, it's just a screen and he can't hear me. She slowly begins to cut the nest when the anthem plays, stopping when it stops. After a while, she decides to finish the job and finally, the nest falls, onto me. The careers around me, all except Glimmer, scramble to their feet and run toward the lake, so I follow, getting many stings while doing so.

Then the screen goes black and my eyes widen. I feel the tears drip down and before I can stop them, it becomes She tried to kill me. What Snow said was true. She tried to kill me, the one who'd been trying to save her. I hate this Katniss Everdeen and what she tried to do to me. I can't stand my so called "wife". Why would I even marry her? Why would she even marry me? Why would I even want her to carry my baby? _The baby was made up, Peeta_. I guess that's true, but I'm not so sure.

I open my eyes and I'm not in the Capitol, but in my kitchen, back in the Victor's Village clutching the corner of a counter top. I let go and walk into the living room, grabbing a glass vase. I look at it for a second and then throw it as hard as I can. It shatters against the wall and I scream. I no longer feel bad about leaving her there alone. She could have killed me if I'd stayed any longer.

"I hate you Katniss Everdeen!" I scream. "You're a mutt! You're a mutt! You tried to kill me!" I plop down on the couch and clench my fists. It's taking everything I have in me not to go over to her house and snap her neck. _You love her, Peeta_. "No I don't! I scream. I don't love her. How could I? _Don't be stupid, Peeta_. _Don't be stupid. _I look up and everything around me starts to get fuzzy. "Leave me alone!" I scream out to the venom in my veins. "Please! Just go away!"

I crawl up in a ball on the couch and everything that I just saw happen flashes through my mind. I see glimpses of Katniss chopping down the limb, me running and getting stung over and over by the tracker jackers. It's all so confusing and so shiny. I suddenly can't remember what's real and not real anymore.

I don't understand. I can't understand. "I love Katniss Everdeen. No, I hate Katniss Everdeen."It's an ongoing battle, never stopping, always trying to decide if it's love, or hate towards her_. I want to love her, and maybe I do,_ but how can I love someone that I'm pretty sure tried to kill me. It's not possible. It can't be, can it?

I unclench my fists and stand up. Suddenly, I'm really tired and all I want to do is sleep. I walk forward to go upstairs, but everything is still fuzzy and shaky. Next thing I know, my foot catches of the couch leg and I fall, sticking my hands forward to try and catch myself, but end up cutting them on the shards of glass on the ground. I cry out in pain and my eyes shut. I don't want to see any more of this. I don't think I can handle any more of this. I feel the blood trickle down my hand and then everything goes black.


	5. Chapter 5

**5th chapter! To the question about Sae's granddaughter, it completly slipped my mind! Thanks for reminding me. Okay I'm not gonna waste your time anymore so, enjoy! **

These last few weeks have been miserable. Peeta hasn't been over at all and it's killing me. Sae's been going over to his house every day to cook breakfast lunch and dinner, and then doing the same for Haymitch and me. I don't know how she does it all. Every day she comes over I ask about Peeta and she just shakes her head. "He doesn't need any more company right now," is all she ever says.

The day after we kissed, Peeta didn't come over for breakfast. I got worried, so I walked over to his place and found him lying in a dangerously large pool of blood. I got the shards of glass out of his hand and wrapped him up. He woke up while I was cleaning up the glass and told me it was best if I just leave. It hurt me the way he said it, but I listened. I didn't want it to be me next time instead of the vase.

I've left him alone since then. While it hurts me, I respect his space. I've tried calling him, but he doesn't answer. I've told Sae to give him messages, but she never says how he responds, plus I'm scared to ask.

Today's the first time I've been hunting in about a month and Sae's pretty happy about it. I haven't shot anything yet though. While it's easier to go hunting, it's harder to find something to shoot. Since the fence was torn down, more people have been venturing out into the woods. Now everywhere I go I have to be careful what I shoot and make sure I don't get shot. It's almost more trouble than it's worth.

I'm just about to get down from my spot in the trees to go farther into the woods when I see doe, the first deer I've seen in ages. Shooting a deer was a rarity, even when the fence was up. Now I'm not going to miss my shot. I draw back my arrow, ready to shoot. _This is your shot, Katniss, _I think, and let the arrow go. It hits its target, as usual, right in the eye.

I allow myself one moment of praise for this unusual prize, but then I realize that I'll have to carry it all the way back to my house. I give a huff and climb down from the tree. Well, for starters I need to clean it. I pull my game bag off of my shoulder and carelessly drop it to the ground. Slowly, I get it cleaned, but that's not the hard part. This doe is a heavy one. Carrying it back is the real battle.

When I make it back to the house, Sae is already over, getting the meal together. "What'd you get?" she asks. "A doe," I say. She stops what she's doing and looks at me. "Really?" she asks, a look of shock on her face. "Don't act to surprised," I joke.

"We can have it tomorrow," says Sae. "I've already got dinner started now." I stand up and help her set the table. "Have you seen Peeta today?" I ask curiously. She nods. "And how is he?" I ask, with a bit of hope building inside me. "The same," she shrugs. Every ounce of hope inside of me suddenly disappears. "That's what I thought," I say. "He's really struggling," says Sae. At this point I don't care. "He could at least have the decency to say something to me," I snap.

To my surprise, the door swings open and a drunken Haymitch and a nervous Peeta walk in. "Hey, sweetheart," says Haymitch as he stumbles over and wraps me in his arms. "Get off of me!" I yell and he plants a kiss right on my forehead. I can smell the liquor and it makes me want to vomit. "You're drunk!" Haymitch rolls his eyes. "Am I?" "Shut up," I snap. He plops down in his usual seat and gestures for Peeta to come. I only notice then that he's still in the doorway, staring at menlike he used to, like he isn't sure if I'm a girl or a mutt. "Well come in boy!" shouts Haymitch as he holds his liquor up to his mouth for a drink, but before he can take a sip, I yank it from his hands and pour it down the drain. "I said no liquor at my house." I look over at Peeta and I see a faint smile at the corners of his lips. "You never cared before," snaps Haymitch. It's not that I care if he drinks. He used to drink at my house all the time. Actually, he used to drink our liquor. It's just that I don't want him getting drunk at my house anymore. Whenever he's drunk he doesn't watch what he says, and I'm tired of it, but of course, he got drunk before he got here, so there's nothing I can do.

"It's ready," says Sae, easing the tension between Haymitch and me. "Are you staying tonight?" I ask, hopeful. "No," she says. "I have things I need to do." She gets her granddaughter's attention away from the old yarn that used to belong to my mother and they leave.

Dinner's mostly quiet tonight. No one really says anything. Even Haymitch senses the tension between us and keeps his mouth closed. He's only finished half of his lamb stew before he gets up to leave. "Bye sweetheart. Bye lover boy," he says and the door slams shut.

Peeta stares at me, for what seems like a lifetime. If only I knew what was going on in his mind. His eyes flicker down to his stew and then back to me. "You love lamb stew," he says. "Real or not real." I can't help but laugh at this. "Real," I say. "I thought so," he says, the corners of his mouth twitching up in a half smile.

It turns quiet again and I try to think for something to say, but nothing comes to mind. All I can think about is what he's thinking about. What's going on in Peeta's head right now?

"You were right," he says suddenly, shocking me. "I could have said something to you. I'm sorry." "You heard that?" I ask, suddenly ashamed. "Hard not to," he shrugs. "You were yelling." "Peeta," I say. "You weren't meant to hear that. I'm sorry." "Don't apologize," he says. "Well then you don't apologize either," I respond. Soon after, he's ready to leave, I walk him to his front door.

"Goodnight," I say as he closes the door. I hear a faint "Goodnight, Katniss," after the door closes and I run back to my house and crawl into bed. Suddenly, I'm tired and I go to sleep no problem.

When I wake up, I'm panting and I can feel tears stream down my face. I saw Prim. I saw her die a million different ways. While I know she's already dead and nothing can hurt her anymore, it still pains me to see these dreams.

I get out of bed and walk slowly downstairs. I must have slept late because Sae's not here but breakfast is on the table. I pick up the cinnamon roll and find a note stuck to the plate. _Came over but you were still asleep. – Peeta._

I finish the cinnamon roll and then decide to take the plate back to him, so I slip on some shoes and head out the door. The smell of bread hits my nose the instant I step onto his porch. I've barely knocked on the door when he opens it.

"Come in," he says. I walk in and I see large stacks of bread on the table, plus silver tins stacked on the counter. Now I know what Peeta's been doing these past few weeks. "You've been busy," I joke. He just shrugs. "It keeps me busy." "What are you going to do with all of this?" I ask. "I don't know," he says. "I guess I'll give it out." "I can help," I say.

He wipes the flour from his hands onto a towel and pulls out a stool to sit down. For the first time I notice the bags under his eyes. "Peeta," I say. "How long has it been since you've slept?" He puts his face in his hands and lets out a sigh. "I don't remember."

I pull him up and lead him up to his bed. "Lie down," I order. "Katniss," he tries to protest, but I stop him. "I said to lie down." This time he doesn't protest. I sit on the edge of the matress and twist his blond hair that's gotten a lot longer since he moved back to District 12. "Katniss," he says after a few minutes. "What is it, Peeta?" I ask. "Thank you," he whispers. I lean down and kiss his forehead. "I'm going to leave, but I want you to sleep." I turn around to walk away but he grabs my wrist. "Please," he asks. He doesn't say it, but his blue eyes say what he can't, and after all he's been through, how can I deny him this?

"Scoot over," I say with a smile. He makes room for me and I crawl under the sheets. We're separated, unlike how it used to be, but his fingers stay locked around my wrist. "Goodnight, Katniss," he mumbles. A happiness sweeps over me that I haven't felt in a while. I don't know what happened to Peeta over the few weeks that we didn't speak, but it makes me feel good to know he doesn't hate me. His eyes flutter shut and my lips form a smile at the long blond lashes. "Goodnight, Peeta."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6! Thanks everyone for the reviews so far! This chapter's a little longer than usual, just for the heads up. This will probably be my last update for about a week, maybe two because my cousin's coming down in a few days and I'm going to the beach. If I do get to update before I leave then I'll be surprised! I promise that to make up for it that I'll do a super long chapter when I get back! Don't forget to review and tell me your thoughts! **

There were no nightmares. For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. When I woke up, Peeta was up and baking again. "How long did you sleep?" I ask. He shrugs. "I don't know, maybe four hours." It's not much but I can already tell he's feeling better.

I'm wide awake now and I'm starving. "Can I have some bread?" I ask. He gives me a tin that he says he made for me this morning anyway. I open the tin and inside is a cheese bun. I break it in half and give him some. "You don't have to give me your bread," he says. "Out of all the bread you make, how much do you eat?" I ask. He goes silent. "That's what I thought."

"They're going to start rebuilding the bakery in a few weeks," says Peeta. "Really?" I ask. "That's great! I know the people in town will enjoy that!" He smiles. "I miss it." I don't answer. What am I supposed to say to that?

I notice some green paint on his face that wasn't there when I came over. "Have you been paining this morning?" I ask. "Yeah," he admits uncomfortably. I don't ask to see them. It's obvious he doesn't want me to anyway. "Are you going to paint anything for the bakery?" I ask. He shrugs. "Maybe. I don't know what I'd do though." "It's your bakery, Peeta," I say. "Paint whatever you want."

The phone ringing fills the silence that comes and Peeta answers the phone. "Hello?" he says cheerfully. He mostly listens to the voice on the other end, occasionally nodding his head and saying "Okay," and "Yeah." His eyes wander to me worriedly and then they stare at the floor. After a few minutes, he hangs up the phone. "Who was it?" I ask instantly. "Cressida," he says. "Well, what did she want?" I ask. "Nothing much," he says. "She mostly just talked about the Capitol and what's going on up there."

He won't look me in the eye. I know there's something he's not telling me. "What else did they say, Peeta?" I ask. "They want to do an interview on us," he says. My heart sinks. "What?" I ask. "And you told them yes without asking me?" "No," he says quickly. "I said I'd ask you and call them back later." "Them?" I snap. "Cressida and Pollux," he says. "That's the only people that will interviewing us, I promise. If any others come I promise I will send them packing. It's whatever you want, Katniss."

I don't want the cameras. I've got enough of those hidden around my house. I had completely forgotten about them. Now I regret staying over at Peeta's house. I regret kissing him. Now they've probably got it playing all over Panem. How could I forget about it?

"Peeta, I'm sick of the cameras," I say. "Me too," he sighs and puts his arm around me. Suddenly, I want him away from me. Who knows, the Capitol might have another special on us up by tonight. "But if we give them this then there will be no more interviews." "We both know that's not true," I snap. "They'll just want another later." "Cressida promised that there would be no more after this," he says. "No more?" I ask. "No more," he reassures. "Fine," I mutter unhappily. "I'll do it."

I'm at home by myself when my prep team arrives. Peeta forgot to mention this tiny detail, probably for fear of me saying no. It didn't take that long for them to get here, only a day. They all just stare at me. "What?" I ask. "Haven't you seen a fire mutt before?"

Just like last time, they're scared to touch me for fear of hurting me. "I'm fine," I snap. "It doesn't even hurt anymore." They finally get over their fears and inch toward me cautiously. "You've been biting your nails again," says Octavia. "Sorry," I shrug. I didn't even think about it. I figured I was done with prep teams. Venia doesn't even mention my eyebrows as she plucks away what I've neglected to work with. My prep team isn't how they used to be. They aren't talking about the games or gossiping about someone's bad haircut. I don't mind though. I never really cared for their chatter anyway.

Flavius gives me a long overdue haircut and doesn't do much else to it. After my fake nails are applied, they all start on my makeup. They don't do much around the eyes. They mostly just try to hide the patchwork look of my skin and the dark circles under my eyes. They don't wax or shave me since I'll be sitting behind a table for this interview, and what a relief that is.

They make me close my eyes to put on my outfit. It's soft and very light on my shoulders. They steady the long mirror they brought here with them and tell me to open my eyes. It's an orange dress, very plain and very short, but surprisingly comfortable despite the length. They tie a white belt around my waist and when I ask them about shoes, they tell me I won't need them. So far I like this.

They hug me, very carefully of course, and then they pack up their stuff to go work on Peeta. I forgot that he doesn't have a prep team anymore.

I go upstairs and look at my dress in the mirror a little longer. I can't help but think about how much Peeta will like the color.

After about twenty minutes, Peeta calls me and tells me to come over. He offered to do the interview at his house.

I walk over barefoot, not even bothering to knock. Cressida's working on the camera and Pollux is drinking coffee. "Where's Peeta?" I ask. "He went to the bathroom," answers Cressida. "He'll be down in a minute. Just take a seat and we'll get started soon." Peeta comes down the stairs and stops when he sees my dress. "You look nice," he says with a smile. I look at his outfit, jeans and a light blue shirt that makes his eyes pop. "Thanks," I say, blushing. "You look nice too."

He sits down beside me and I instantly slip my hand into his. "Don't let go of me," I whisper. He nods and gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Have you been enjoying being being back in District 12?" asks Cressida. "Oh yes," says Peeta. "I've missed it a lot." "What about you, Katniss?" she asks. "Yeah," I lie. "It's good to be home." The funny thing is, I lost my home the day I volunteered at the reaping.

"What have you two been doing since you've been home?" she asks. "Well, I've been baking and painting," says Peeta. "And I've been…" I trail off. What have I been doing since I've been back? Nothing, really…

"Katniss?" asks Cressida. "Oh, sorry," I stutter. "I've been helping Peeta bake." I lied, I know, but what am I supposed to say, that I've been lying around on the couch and eating? I can't say that. "Yeah, she helped me bake some of the bread on the counter," he says, backing my lie up. "She's getting pretty good at it too." I squeeze his hand to tell him thank you for the backup.

She asks a few more questions that I don't really listen to. I just nod my head occasionally and Peeta takes over the answers, doing what he's best at, looking out for me.

"So," Cressida says. "Everyone's dying to know. Are the star-crossed lovers back together? There have been a few clips that say so, but we want to make it official." At first, I don't know what to say, but then the words just pour out of me. "About that," I snap. "I don't think it's right that there's secret cameras in our houses. What we do in our houses is our business, not the rest of Panem's." "Oh," is all Cressida can say. I've never said anything like that on camera before. Of course, I've called out the Capitol, but never all of Panem.

"Well I guess that's a wrap," Cressida says and turns off the camera. "And I'm sorry, Katniss. You're right. What you do in your home is your business. I'll send someone from District 13 to come and remove the cameras." I run to her and hug her, unaware of my own movements. "Thank you," I say. "You're welcome," she says, surprised. "I'll send someone out tomorrow."

They pack up their stuff to leave and I go next door to change out of the dress. Sae's already next door cooking some more of the deer that I shot. "How'd it go?" she asks. "Fine," I shrug and run upstairs.

I put on a pair of sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt before coming back downstairs. Peeta's there, still wearing the blue shirt that makes his eyes pop.

"Is Haymitch coming?" I ask. "No," she shrugs. "I told him the cameras would be gone by supper, but he didn't want to take his chances at them seeing him." "I'm sure the smell of him would be enough to send them packing soon enough," Peeta jokes. For the first time in a while, I let out an actual laugh.

The deer with some of the bread from Peeta's house is delicious. "It's really good, Sae," says Peeta. "Thanks, Peeta," she says. "I guess I better go take some to Haymitch." She finishes cleaning up the kitchen and then she leaves to go fix his plate.

"I guess I better go too," says Peeta as he puts his plate in the sink. I get up to walk him to the door, but something comes over me. I grab his wrist and hold him back. "Stay?" I ask. He nods and I pull him upstairs.

We resume our old position, my head on his chest and his arms around me. "Well that went well, don't you think?" he asks. I think he's talking about the interview. "It went okay," I shrug. "At least we'll have some privacy now."

We don't talk anymore. Peeta's thumb rubs against my cheek, sending a long missed warmth through me. I can't believe how much I've missed Peeta's touch. I remember those nights in the Capitol when we were each other's sanity. Not much has changed since then. Well, actually a lot has changed, but I can't even imagine where I would be if Peeta wasn't here. Before I can stop myself, I sit up and kiss his cheek. He immediately turns pink. "Goodnight, Peeta," I sigh and rest my head back on his chest.

When I wake up, Peeta is still here, awake. "Good morning," he says with a smile. "No nightmares?" "No nightmares," I confirm.

Suddenly, I feel energized. I want, for the first time in a while, to go to town. "You want to go walking today?" I ask. I look at Peeta's eyes. It's as if he doesn't know what to do with my new found energy. "Okay. Just let me go next door and clean up." "I'll see you in thirty minutes?" I ask. He leans forward and kisses my forehead. "See you in thirty minutes."

As soon as I hear the door slam, I get up and rush to the shower. I don't know where all of my excitement has come from, maybe it's the fact that I can finally have some privacy, maybe it's just being with Peeta, but it's nice to be doing something for a change.

I braid my hair back wet and I even decide to rub some of my medicine on my skin. I'm tired of looking at the scars. I decide on a tank top and even though it's hot outside, I put on my hunting jacket. The familiar scent of the woods on the jacket makes me smile for a second, then I think of Gale and I shake my head to get the thoughts away.

By the time my boots are laced up and my jacket zipped, I actually look like the girl, so intent on protecting her sister that she volunteered for the reaping. I look like the girl that would do anything, no matter what to keep her family safe. I miss that girl.

I head outside and meet Peeta between our two houses. "Ready?" he asks. I nod and we head out. "Where should we go?" he asks. I think for a second. I haven't really looked to see what's being rebuilt. "Let's go to town," I say. There are not many people in town, but the few that are there avoid us. They don't want anything to do with the star-crossed lovers anymore.

Not much has been rebuilt, only a small little store. That seems to be where everyone is. I notice a building in progress. "What's that?" I ask Peeta. "That's going to be the hospital," he says. "And over there is going to be the new Justice building." There's nothing there, just a clearing where it will go.

We walk into the store and a bell rings. Everything goes quiet and all of the eyes train on us, even the small children. "Come on, Katniss," Peeta says, pulling me along. I pick up some peppermints and out of habit, I almost pick up some bandages. There's not much money in my jacket pocket, but it's enough to pay for the peppermints.

We both pop a peppermint in our mouths and are walking back to my house when we come across what used to be the bakery. "I'll be just a minute," says Peeta as he walks up to the ruins. He closes his eyes and opens them, as if it's not real and any second he'll wake up. He walks a little closer to the mess and gets down on his knees. I walk over to him and crouch beside him.

I see the tears building up in his deep blue eyes but his face stays straight. "You know, it's okay to cry," I say. "You owe yourself at least that." I grab his hand and give him a reassuring squeeze. Almost instantly, the tears start pouring out and he buries his head in my shoulder.

His breathing becomes rough and he begins to weep, his tears staining my jacket, but I don't mind. I just want Peeta to be okay. Gasping for air, he turned his head to the side and began to sob some more. "Thank you, Katniss," he chokes out.

I realize suddenly that Peeta's never said one word about his family since he's been home. While I've been mourning the loss of a sister, he's been silently mourning the loss of his whole family. How have I forgotten this? I'm not the only one that lost something because of this war.

"Don't thank me," I say rubbing his back awkwardly. He looks up at me and I wipe the tears from his cheeks, his eyes looking bluer than ever. He leans down and kisses me. This kiss, one so different, yet not unwelcome, is so unfamiliar. Yes, I've shared a few passionate kisses with Peeta, but never one like this, so full of sadness, so full of mourning. It's as if he's telling me everything through this one kiss.

I hear a grunt and pull away to find Haymitch, bottle in hand. He just shakes his head and hobbles away to the store, probably to buy more liquor. "Ready to go home?" Peeta asks with a small chuckle.

He helps me up and as we enter the village, I notice a car outside my house and a man knocking at my door. "Can I help you?" I ask as I step onto my porch. "I'm here about the cameras," says the man. I completely forgot someone was coming. Wow, Cressida works fast. "Oh, yes," I say. "Thank you. I don't really know where they are, but I know they're everywhere." "I'll take care of it, Miss Everdeen," he reassures me.

Peeta and I sit outside to give him his space to work. "Finally," I say. "No more cameras." "Yup," Peeta sighs. "We're finally rid of them, the Capitol." I can only hope that he's right.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! I know it's been forever since I updated last. My cousin stayed a little longer than expected and then as soon as she left I had to go to camp. Then, I was almost finished with the chapter and I decided that I didn't like it so I started over. Don't forget to review and tell me what you like and dislike! Enjoy!**

"You seem different," Sae says as she cleans the plates we dirtied from lunch. "What do you mean by different?" I ask. "I don't know," she shrugs. "You just seem happier." Do I? I have no idea. I haven't noticed a change. "I guess," I sigh. The only thing I've noticed is that I'm not as tired. Maybe I am happy. I don't know.

In the month since the building of the bakery began, Peeta has moved in most of his stuff. I brought up the idea when I got tired of him leaving every night to take a shower and change. It's not him leaving that aggravates me. I just can't sleep without him here. The nightmares are too bad.

I look at the clock on the wall. It's noon. Peeta should be taking a break soon. Every day for the past month has been the same. Peeta would get up at 5:00 in the morning, go to the bakery to help with the building, take a half hour break for lunch, and then help build until 10:00 at night. Each day when he comes for lunch, he sits in his stool at the counter and Sae fixes his plate. He eats slowly, his eyes drooping. I can tell he's exhausted and sore from the work, but he doesn't say so. That's one of the things I love, yet hate about him. I love how he's determined to help, no matter how it affects him, but I don't like that he hides his pain from me. We're both alike in that way.

At night, when he thinks I'm asleep, I can hear him moan as he tosses and turns. I can occasionally hear a "stupid leg" come from him. I don't think all this work is good for his leg. I'm worried about him. I'm scared he's going to hurt himself and then he won't be able to run the bakery.

Today, he limps in and I can tell he's trying to hide it, but not doing a good job. His eyes are tired, but he still wears a smile. He sits down at his usual place and Sae hands him his food. "How's the bakery coming?" I ask. "Good," he says. "We're almost finished." "Oh yeah!" I say. "I got a call from someone today, but I don't remember their name. They said all of the ovens and stuff will be here in three days."

He thinks about this for a second, then nods. "I hope it's finished in three days. I don't know what I'd do with the stuff otherwise. There's no way I could fit it all in my kitchen."

We don't talk anymore. He finishes his lunch and limps back to the bakery to finish for the day. Sae cleans his dishes and then leaves to go feed Haymitch. I'm left alone. I stare at the phone, instantly thinking of her. I wonder how long it's been since we've spoken. There have been moments when I've missed her, and there have also been times when I've hated her for abandoning me. I wonder if she misses me. There's only one way to find out.

I stand up and walk toward the phone. Her number is on a sticky note stuck to the wall just in case I ever wanted to call. I didn't. I punch in the numbers and wait while it rings. "Hello?" a woman's voice says after three rings. "Mom?" I ask, unsure if it's her. "Katniss?" she says a little too loudly. "Oh my gosh!" I guess she missed me. The ringing in my ears proves it.

"It's me," I say with a fake laugh. "How have you been?" I ask awkwardly, not knowing what to say to the woman that I haven't seen, let alone spoken to in who knows how long. "I've been good," she says. I can hear the smile on her face. After a long pause she says "I like District 4." "Annie?" I ask. "About her," my mom says. My heart beats fast in my chest. "She's pregnant. Six months." My mouth drops open. Annie pregnant? I'm happy for her, but a little heartbroken. Without Finnick there, the baby won't have a dad. "Oh," is all I can say.

"So how about you?" she asks. "What about me?" I ask. "I've seen you… on the television…" she says. Oh no. She's seen the shows with me and Peeta…. "You look good, Katniss," she picks up when I don't answer. "Greasy Sae's taking care of you?" "Yeah," I say. There's an awkward silence for a while. "I went hunting again." "Good!" she says. "How did it feel?" "Fine," I shrug. "There are a lot of people in the woods though so it's a little harder." "Well I'm sure you can handle it," she says. "Hey, I have to go," I lie. "I need to help Sae with lunch." "Okay," she sighs. "Call me back soon, okay?" "Sure." I hang up before she can respond and sit back on my stool. Now I feel different. Yeah, it was only a two minute conversation, but I feel like a weight's been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel like part of the barrier between us was torn down; like we're not so distant anymore.

I decide to go check on Peeta and the progress of the bakery. On the walk there, I see several people out, but again, they avoid me. I kind of understand why, I guess. I'd avoid the person that destroyed Panem too. In fact, I'd despise the person. I kind of already do…

The bakery looks great. It looks amazing. I see Peeta immediately. He's outside, planting flowers in a bed that lines the front of the building. They look like daisies. I go up to talk to him. "Hey," I say. "It looks really good." "Thanks," he says with one of his sweet smiles. "I think I can have it finished in two days if I stay a little later." "Peeta," I huff. "You're going to kill yourself working on this. You need to take a break, like now." "I can't, Katniss," he says. "I've still got so much to finish." I look around. "I think the million people you have helping can take your place for a little while. Now come on. You're going to lie down." "Fine," he huffs. "Let me go tell them you're making me leave." He gives me a wink before limping inside.

I get butterflies when he turns around. How is it that he makes me feel this way? I don't think I'll ever understand it. When he comes back out, he grabs my hand and we walk back to my house. When we get there, we go upstairs and he goes to the bathroom to change into a plain white t-shirt and grey sweatpants.

He lies down, giving a big sigh as he does so. "Now how does it feel to just rest?" I ask. "Amazing," he mutters. I try to get up to watch TV, but as I'm standing up, he grabs my wrist. "Stay with me," he mutters. I smile, remembering when I was on the other side of this conversation, what seems like a lifetime ago. "Always," I whisper and get back in the bed.

The bakery gets finished in two days, just like Peeta thought it would. He seems a lot better now that he's not killing himself. He finished moving everything in yesterday and the grand opening is tomorrow. He's been spending a lot of time in a spare bedroom, which is where he moved his art supplies. He's been paining forever and when I try to come in to see them he tells me he doesn't want me to see them until the opening. Typical Peeta. So full of surprises.

I leave to go put up flyers advertising the opening. I tack a few to wooden posts and then I head into the one store that's been built. I ignore the stares and walk straight up to the counter. "Hi," I say to the woman standing there. "Hello," he says barely audible. "Can I ask for a favor?" I ask. The young woman nods. "Can you hand these to anyone that comes to the counter?" I ask. "Peeta Mellark is having the grand opening for the new bakery tomorrow. Everything's free tomorrow too. You just have to show up." "I'll hand them out," the woman says. "Thank you," I sigh. "I don't think I could have handed them out. If you haven't noticed, I think the people here are scared of me." The woman gives me a faint smile and then I head back to the house.

Peeta's sprawled out on the couch watching TV when I get back. "I finally finished moving everything in," he says. "Just in time too." "Good," I say. He sits up to make room for me and he puts his arm around me when I sit down. There go the butterflies again.

"What are we watching?" I ask. "I don't know," he says. "Something about the rebuilding in eight." Pretty soon, we end up lying down, both of us on our sides and his arms around me. "You seem tired," I say after a while. "I am, he says. "Then why aren't you sleeping?" I ask. "I don't want to miss this," he says. "Miss what? The rebuilding of District Eight?" "No," he says. "This. I want to stay like this forever." I sigh and turn over to face him. "Me too," I say. His face lights up, his smile making me feel warm. "Really?" he asks, as if I'm joking and I'll tell him I'm just kidding any second. "Really," I sigh and burry my head in his chest.

The next day, we get up early to get ready for the opening. I put on the orange sundress that I wore for my interview and put on a pair of white flats that I wore on the Victory Tour. Once the belt is tied around my waist, I put my hair in its usual braid and brush my teeth.

I open the bathroom door to let Peeta in to get ready. He's finished in five minutes. He's wearing a pair of khaki pants and a navy blue shirt. "You look very nice," he says as he puts on his shoes. "So do you, Mr. Mellark," I say.

We walk toward the bakery together and walk through the crowd to get to the steps. We crouch under a giant red ribbon tied at the posts beside the beginning step. To be honest, I'm kind of surprised by the size of the crowd, and telling by the size of the smile on Peeta's face, so is he. It looks like all of District 12 is here. I know they didn't show up because they want to support who's running it. I guess the word "free" has an effect on people.

After about five minutes, Peeta taps on a microphone to get everyone's attention. "Hello," he says. He looks confident, just like every other time he's spoken in front of a crowd. I don't understand how he does it. "Before the bombing, there was a bakery here. My family ran it. It wasn't always the happiest place to be, but when I was baking it was." I remember the day he tossed me that bread. I look over to where I was sitting when he tossed it. There used to be a tree there, but of course, it didn't survive the bombing.

"So!" Peeta continues. "I know you probably don't want to listen to me go on and on about this and that." He picks up a pair of scissors off of a bench by the door and hands them to me. "Go ahead," he says. I walk over to the ribbon and cut it right down the middle. There are several claps and cheers and then Peeta yells "Let's get started!" and we walk inside.

"Wow," is all I can say when I walk inside. There are paintings everywhere. There is a painting of the old bakery, I see one of a mockingjay perched on a branch, there's one of a little girl sitting under a tree…

"Oh my gosh Peeta," I say. "Do you like them," he asks. I nod. "Yes. Yes I do."

We both walk behind the counter, put on our aprons, and begin taking orders. My first customer is a little girl about seven years old. "Can I have a doughnut?" she asks. "A chocolate one!" I hand it to her and she runs away with a smile on her face. I laugh and then get back to business. The woman from the store walks up to me. "Hi!" I say. "Hello," she says. "I never caught your name," I bring up. "Susan," she says. "I would like a cup of coffee and three frosted cookies. The kids love them." Just then, three kids, two twin boys about three years old and a girl, about seven run up. I put the cookies in a bag and pour her coffee. "I guess I'll see you around?" I ask. She nods with a smile. "I'll see you around, Katniss." Wow. I actually found one person that will talk to me.

I don't know how many cups of coffee I pour or how many cinnamon rolls I hand out. It's almost 11:00 p.m. when everyone has cleared out. Now that everyone's gone I realize that we have a gigantic mess to clean up.

I walk over to the tables and wipe them off, and then I sweep up everything that was left on the floor. Peeta cleans up the counter and behind it. After I put the broom up, I take off my apron and hang it up in the back. He pulls a few sweets from the back and we sit at a table and eat them.

After a while, my head ends up on his shoulder and his arm wraps around me. "We did it," I say. "We did it," he repeats me. "It'll be easier tomorrow. I promise." "I hope," I laugh. "I'm exhausted!" He laughs. "Me too. Maybe if we're not too busy you can help me bake." "Peeta," I say. "Unless you _want _the bakery set on fire, I suggest I stay at the counter." He laughs harder. "Whatever," he says.

I lift my head up to face him. He's staring at the picture of the little girl under the tree. For some reason, I can't call her me. That little girl died the moment she said "I volunteer as tribute." She died and I took her place.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask after a while. He turns his head toward me. "You really want to know?" he asks. I nod. "Well," he sighs, looking directly into my eyes. I swear. It's so easy to get lost in those deep blue pools. "I was thinking about what it would be like to kiss you again."

My heart begins to pound. I lean in and our lips meet. There go the butterflies again. When I look back to who I was, I never would have imagined I'd be sitting in a bakery, kissing Peeta Mellark with no cameras and all alone. But still, I can't imagine being anywhere else with anyone else, probably because I wouldn't.

Somehow, I feel that even if there was no Hunger Games, if there was no war, we'd be doing the same thing, just in a different place. I belong with him and he belongs with me.

His hands go to my face and his finger brushes along my cheek. My arms wrap around his neck and my hand swirls the long curls. It's as if for a moment everything is right with the world.

The next day isn't as busy as yesterday, but it's still pretty busy. Peeta's in the back all day baking, but I occasionally get a few kisses from him when there's not a line at the counter. I have a smile on my face and it's not forced.

I'm cleaning a table when I hear the conversation of two girls about my age.

"Did you see Peeta?"

"Yeah. Isn't he cute?"

"Of course. I wonder if he'd be interested in hearing my compliments to the chef."

One of the girls winks and gets up. She walks to the counter and calls Peeta's name. He walks out, covered in flour. "Yes?" he asks with a smile on his face. "Hi," she says. "I'm Laurie. This bread is so good. What's your secret?" "Well, I can't tell you that or it wouldn't be a secret, would it?" "Hmm, I guess not," she says and puts her hand on his arm. His eyes grow wide. Okay, this has gone too far.

I walk up to the counter. Peeta, I need two cheese buns, pronto!" "Okay!" he says, glad for the chance to leave. The girl gives me the eye and then she and her friend leave. I storm back behind the counter. If I ever see her again, I _will_ spit in her coffee.

I see Thom walk in. I haven't seen him since I first came back. We talk for a while, and then he buys a cup of coffee and leaves. Apparently he has to go help work on the new Justice Building. I didn't even know they were rebuilding it. I guess that proves how much I leave the house.

Things get pretty slow after noon, so I stay in the back until I hear the bells at the front door ring, telling me someone came in. I watch Peeta bake, I clean the messes he's made. "You're messy, Peeta," I joke.

That night, when everyone's gone, we both go to the front and wipe down all the tables and sweep.  
"This is actually fun," I say. "It's a lot better than lying around the house all day." He pulls me in for a kiss. "Same here," he says.

We go to the back to finish cleaning up and then we eat a few left over glazed doughnuts. "These are really good," I say. "Thanks. I try," he jokes. "How does it feel having a bakery again?" I ask. "Amazing," he sighs and leans back in his chair. "It feels great to be back to normal." I almost laugh. Things will _never _be back to _normal._ Whatever _normal _is. "Yeah," is all I say.

I hear the bells ring after a while and I run to put my apron back on. "I'll be with you in a second!" I yell. I grab the apron and tie it on really fast. I pull my notepad out of the front pocket and walk to the front, testing my pen on the paper. "What can I get you?" I ask. "I'd recommend the cookies. They're still warm." I stare at the notepad, trying to get the ink to come out but it won't. "Okay, Catnip. I'll take a cookie."


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, so this chapter picks up where chapter 7 left off! Don't forget to review! I know I say this a lot, but I love seeing everyone's opinions!**

I lose my grip on the pad and pen and they fall to the floor. The noise they make as they hit the ground sounds like cannon, signaling another tributes life, gone. For some reason I feel like the cannon with my name on it is about to go off…

I lift my head slowly, hoping that I'm wrong, that it's not him. Oh who am I kidding? _He _only calls me Catnip. Gale stands straight up, his hands down by his sides. He looks different. Well, I wouldn't say different, but he certainly looks like he's aged a lot. What's happened to him?

My mind wanders to Peeta. How I hope he stays in the back. Still, the thought of Gale and Peeta here together makes me very nervous. The two of them are just a bad combination anywhere, really.

Gale walks behind the counter and places a hand on my face. His hand is cold, and maybe it's contagious because I'm frozen now. Only my heart works, way faster than usual. "Katniss," he whispers, his face getting closer and closer to mine. "Katniss." He leans down and hugs me tight. "I've missed you." I barely hear his words. I'm too busy listening to my heartbeat boom in my head.

He lets go of me and steps back again, his hands feeling like ice as they slide across my face. "Katniss, do you have the…" Peeta stops quickly when he sees Gale. Oh no. Why did he have to come in here? Peeta walks to me, placing an arm protectivly around my waist. Gale's eyes widen, but he quickly hides his surprise. I can tell it bugs him though. He was my best friend. I know when he's taken off guard.

"Oh, I see," Gale says, stepping back some more. He looks hurt. What, did he expect to find a pathetic version of me, lying around and feeling sorry for myself? Does it hurt him to see that I'm getting along fine without him, that I've moved on? He rubs the back of his neck. He's uncomfortable. I want him to leave. I wish he would. "Can I talk to you outside?" I nod my head slowly and as I'm leaving, Peeta grabs my waist and tries to pull me back. His eyes are worried. He's scared too. "It's fine, Peeta," I whisper and he lets me go. Gale opens the door for me and I step outside into the now chilly weather.

Gale's back is to me, his head looking at his boots. "Are you happy?" he asks after a while. "What do you mean?" I ask. "Are you happy?" he asks louder this time as he turns around. "Does he treat you good?" That's a stupid question. I think we all know Peeta would never treat me bad.

"Gale," I start, but he cuts me off. "I still love you Katniss," he says, grabbing my arms. "Let go of me, Gale," I mutter but he doesn't listen. I try to move away from him, but I'm stuck. The idea of being trapped scares me. It's like I'm in the arena again. Like I'm a fish in a barrel…

"Is he what you want?" he continues. When I don't answer, he picks up again. "I'll take that as a yes. Believe me when I say this, Katniss. He's not safe. He's unstable." "You know nothing about him, Gale," I whisper. "I've seen him!" Gale yells. "He'll never be like he was. He's a grenade, Katniss. One thing can set him off and who knows, you might be standing too close when the explosion happens."

"Stop," is all I can say before he starts again. "One minute he'll be who he was, and the next, you won't even recognize him." Gale's eyes plead with me, begging me to understand the way he feels. "I still love you. You know me well enough to know that I fight for what I want. So before you pick him, just please, just think." He leans down and presses his lips to mine. I can't even move. He has me trapped.

He pulls away and puts his forehead to mine. "I need you," he whispers and he kisses the tip of my nose. "Let go of me, Gale!" I scream as loud as I can. He throws me back in shock and Peeta runs out. "What's going on?" he yells. He sees me on the ground, my eyes wide with shock, and Gale standing awkwardly off to the side. "What did he do, Katniss?" he yells. "Stay out of this, Mellark," Gale says calmly, putting his hand out to say stop. This only makes Peeta mad.

"Get away from my bakery, Gale," Peeta quietly, but I can hear the anger. I can see his jaw tighten and his fists clench. Oh no. Control it, Peeta, please. Don't let an episode happen here. Don't prove Gale right.

"Not until Katniss chooses," Gale snaps. Peeta glances at me and then back to Gale. "Get away from here, now!" he yells this time. "Mellark, I suggest you stay out of this. It's between me and Katniss." "No," Peeta says. "You did something to her. Now it's between me and you" "Just go inside," Gale says, pushing Peeta into the door. This infuriates Peeta and he connects his fist to Gale's jaw. Gale grabs onto the railing for support and then feels his jaw. "I told you, Katniss," Gale says as he steps toward me. Peeta blocks him and pushes me off the steps. "Go, Katniss," he murmers.

I begin to run, not wanting to stay and see who wins. "Remember what I said, Katniss!" I hear Gale scream. I make it back to my house and lock the door behind me just in case Gale decides to visit. Peeta has a key anyway. Dinner's on the counter. Sae must've come while we were still working. I don't eat though. I just want to lie down.

I run upstairs and crawl under my blankets. The tears fall as soon as my head hits the pillow. Gale's not lying. He's actually telling the truth. I think back to the nightmare I had a couple of months ago. Peeta looked normal. He looked like the healthy boy before the games, then, we kissed and he turned into a fire mutt. How easy it was for him to lose control, not only in the dream, but also today. It'd been so long since he'd gotten mad, and one thing set him off.

Gale's right. Peeta's a grenade. I'll never get _him _back. But that doesn't mean I want Gale. In fact, I _want_ him as far away from District 12 as possible.

How could I not see this? How did I think that everything was back to the way it was? I guess it's better that I find out now and not later on. I just wish it wasn't this way. Now I really wish I'd killed Snow. I wish I could have paid him back for taking Peeta away from me, but instead, I did the crazy thing. I killed Coin. Why didn't I shoot Snow?

The crying stops and everything is quiet. I throw my now wet pillow on the floor and grab one from the other side of the bed. I can't believe this. I was having a good day. Everything had been good up until now. Peeta was doing okay, and then he wasn't… Peeta… Is he okay? Is he hurt? I feel as if it's my fault that all of this happened. If I'd just kept quiet after he kissed me then none of this would have happened.

I wonder if Peeta's still having the episode. I wonder if Gale's alright. I've seen firsthand the damage that can happen when Peeta's having an episode. I get up and change into a gown, just throwing my dirty clothes on the ground beside the bed. I look at my bedroom door for a second and then I hurry over to it and lock it. I just want to be alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**So, it's been a while since I updated last! Marching band started and I have done nothing but band for the past two weeks! I'm sorry about the long wait.. I finally had some time on my hands, so, here you go!**

It's dark; very dark. There's a light breeze and I can faintly hear waves crashing, but it's a little distance away. My heart's racing and I have a feeling I'm not alone. I was right. A canon goes off, and then another and another. I count twenty-two before it cuts off quick. I bend over and run my hands over and around what I'm standing on. It's a metal plate.

I stand back up, my breathing short and my hands shaking. I know where I am. And one other person is here with me.

Suddenly, it's bright. I can see exactly where I am. I'm back in the clock arena, on my plate, back in my suit. Snow stands right in front of me, blood dripping from his mouth, and a white rose in his lapel. I watch a tiny drop of blood fall to the rose, staining it the deep red.

Peeta's standing behind him, the bodies of the twenty-two other tributes lay around him. "Why, we haven't seen each other in months and you have nothing to say to me?" Snow asks. "You're dead," I say boldly. He is… isn't he?

He shakes his head and steps forward. "No my dear Miss Everdeen. I've simply been waiting to make my reappearance." He motions for Peeta to come towards him. Peeta steps on the bodies of my friends as he makes his way toward us, never keeping his eyes off of Snow. "Have you missed him?" Snow asks. Peeta looks at me, a shy smile on his face. He steps onto the plate with me, grabs my hand, and places a light kiss on my cheek. I can't move.

"Well he's gone," Snow says. Peeta's grip on my hand becomes tighter and tighter and when I try to wriggle free he just tightens his grip some more. Snow turns around and walks toward the cornucopia. "Take care of her for me Peeta," he says. Peeta nods and his fingers lock around my throat.

I scream myself awake. I instantly grab my throat, but nothing's there. It hurts like something was though. I look for Peeta on his side of the bed, but he's gone. Oh yeah, I locked him out last night. The memories flood in and my heart begins to pound. Is Peeta okay? I jump out of bed and run down the stairs. Peeta's gone, probably at the bakery. I put on a pair of shoes at the door and run outside. My throat hurts when I run but I don't care.

I finally make it to the bakery and I burst through the door panting. "Peeta I-" is all I say. Peeta's at the counter, a confused look on his face. "Katniss? Are you okay?" he asks with a small laugh. He looks me up and down. I then realize that I'm still in my nightgown and I'm wearing a pair of Peeta's boots. "Um, yeah I was just-" I stutter. "I was just seeing if you were okay."

He playfully rolls his eyes. "I'm fine, Katniss," he says. "Good," I say, looking at the ground. "Um, Katniss," he he says. "Yes?" I say quickly. "Why are you in your pajamas?" he asks. My face gets hot. "Well, um, I don't know," I shrug. I turn to walk out the door. I'll be back in a few.

After I'm changed I head back and begin my daily routine. I take orders, I clean tables, I sweep up the back. I don't have much time to talk to Peeta today. It's really busy. He's constantly frosting something or pulling something out of the oven or putting something in.

A group of little boys come in and one says it's his birthday. I give him a bag of cookies and they run outside to eat and play. They have a small ball with them and I watch them toss it around through the window. The way they're playing and laughing, I never knew anyone to do that when I was little. So much has changed since then though. When I was a kid, people were too scared to do anything besides live basically. No one really thought of running around and playing and laughing. I wonder if those little boys know that they can do that because of people like us. I wonder if anyone ever taught them that.

At lunch, Peeta closes up to give us a break. When he pulls out a cheese bun, my stomach growls and my mouth starts to water. I didn't realize I hadn't eaten anything all day. I eat the whole thing while he just sits there. He's more quiet than usual. I can tell that there's something on his mind.

"Katniss?" he says. "Yes?" I ask. He plays with his hands and I can hear his foot tapping. "Are you okay?" he asks. I cock my head to the side. "We've been over this, Peeta," I sigh. "No," he says, shaking his head. "Are you okay, you know, after what happened?" I look at his hands. There are cuts across his knuckles. "Yes. I'm fine, Peeta," I sigh. "You sure?" he asks. I nod. "I'm sure."

After we close for the night, Peeta and I clean up the huge mess in the back. He mops up while I clean the ovens. After I finish, I turn around to put up my apron and I slip on a puddle of water. "Katniss!" Peeta yells and he runs to help me. "I'm fine!" I assure him, but he insists on helping me up. When I'm steadied, he looks at me, and then down. "What?" I ask. "Nothing," he sighs and he kisses my forehead. I cringe at the touch and he steps away from me. "I um, I'm sorry," he stutters. "I thought-" "It's fine, Peeta," I interrupt. "Let's just forget about it." He nods and then we head back to the Village.

When we get upstairs, he gets some clothes and goes to change in the bathroom. When he comes back out, he walks over to the bed and. "Um Peeta, can you um, not sleep in here tonight?" He looks up from the sheets, his eyes looking hurt. "Okay," he says. "I'll sleep downstairs tonight."

"Actually, can you not sleep in here… every night?" I ask. He nods with a sad smile. "Okay, Katniss. If that's what you want."

He grabs a pillow from the bed and goes to the closet and finds a blanket. "Goodnight," he says before closing the door behind him.

I wake up to Peeta right in front of me. "Katniss, wake up!" he yells. "Wake up!" My eyes widen and I realize he's digging his fingers into my arms. He's trying to hurt me. "Get off of me!" I scream and I jump off the bed. "Get away from me!" He backs up and gives me space to breathe. He had been rescued. I ran toward him, and he choked me. I have this dream often. I wipe the tears from my face and push my hair out of my face. "You were screaming," he says. "I came to check on you." I turn my back to him. "Just go, Peeta," I say, and he does. The door slams shut, almost as if he's angry. I jump at the sound, but the silence that follows seems to affect me more.


	10. Chapter 10

**Just a heads up! This chapter's in Peeta's POV. I figured another Peeta POV was a little overdue and plus, I think this is a little important to the story. This chapter kind of explains (for those of you who were wondering) what happened the day Gale showed up and what was going through Peeta's head that day and the next day. Hope you enjoy! **

I'm trying. I really am. Why can't she see that? I've gotten better. I've gained control over the "other Peeta", but she just doesn't see that either. Maybe she thinks I had an episode when Gale came. Well, she would be wrong.

In the Capitol, I hated being separated from Katniss. I was so afraid that something was going to happen to her. There was a part of me that still wanted her dead, even after seeing what a monster I had become on one of the fancy Capitol televisions, but it wasn't as strong as the part of me that desperately needed to keep her breathing. I do admit that sometimes at night I have a flashback and I clutch my blanket tight to contain myself, but compared to what I was, it's a miracle for me to be where I am now basically.

When we split up in the Capitol, I knew it was for the best. I knew it was what I _had _to do, but not knowing if she was okay was like hell on earth.

When I saw her, burnt, just like me, I wanted to die, basically. I always told myself, "Peeta, do whatever you can to protect her. Be there for her." I wasn't, and look what happened. Then, I saw her on the ground in front of Gale and that same feeling of helplessness and guilt came back. He wasn't going to hurt her and get away with it.

Gale was strong. I'll admit that, but not as strong as me when someone I love is messed with. All I got out of it was a couple of cut knuckles when Gale ducked and I punched the brick wall of the bakery. After that, I was infuriated. I hit him hard enough to knock him out, then, not wanting to leave him there, I took him to a doctor that recently moved to twelve. I didn't lie about what happened. There's no point in that. Luckily, the doctor understood why I did what I did and left me in the clear.

I left before Gale woke up, but when I tried to open the door to Katniss' room, it was locked, and I knew she had a reason. I called her name, but there was no answer. I sighed and went over to my house to change. I had luckily left a few pieces of clothing over there and now I'm glad I did. I slept at my place, figuring Katniss needed space for a while.

When I saw her burst through the bakery the next morning, she looked worried about me. I figured everything was back to normal, but then, she acted uncomfortable when I kissed her forehead. _Okay,_ I thought. _Maybe she just needs to think. _Then, she told me that she didn't want me sleeping in there anymore, and I got a little mad. _Don't get mad, Peeta_, I thought to myself. _She's just gone through something. Give her some space. _I could deal with that. I lost it when she screamed at me when I woke her up. I could feel the hate in her voice. By that point, I was fed up. That's why I'm at Haymitch's house now.

Right after I left her room, I came here. I need to talk to someone. I pry the knife from his fingers and shake him. He pops up immediately and starts swinging, but soon realizes the knife's gone. "What?" he snaps. I notice his hands are alcohol free. His shirts not even stained from the liquid. How long has it been since he's had a drink? I can tell that he needs one soon.

"I need to talk to you," I say. He rolls his eyes. "Well hurry up," he mutters. We walk into the living room and I push trash off of the torn up couch so I can sit down. "It's about Katniss," I say. Haymitch holds up his hands. "Hold up, let me get comfortable. I can tell I'm going to be here a while." He adjusts himself on the couch and then tells me he's ready. The way he's acting is getting annoying.

"Okay," I start. "One minute, I think she might actually want to be with me, and the next minute, she is screaming at me to get away from her. I just, I don't know what to do Haymitch. I don't want to leave her alone and her think I'm abandoning her, but she doesn't want me around, and she does a good job of showing it. I just, I just don't know, Haymitch." He sighs and runs his fingers through his greasy hair.

"Well," he says. "The girl always was a little hard to understand." I can agree to that. "It's killing me, Haymitch," I sigh. "She's been acting this way since Gale showed up at the bakery." "Wait, what?" Haymitch asks. I explain the whole story about Gale showing up, me finding Katniss on the floor, the fight, and then Katniss locking me out. He shakes his head.

"Boy," he says. "Why do you love her?" This makes me angry. Why do I love her? I don't know. I just do. I don't think you ever really "know" why you love someone. If you can name a particular reason, it's not love. It's a crush. I can't say why I love Katniss Everdeen. It's just as natural as breathing to me. I just stare at him. "Well I was just wondering," he shrugs.

"Just tell me what I need to do, Haymitch," I say. He just shrugs. "I learned a _long _time ago that I'm not good at judging what's good to do when it comes to her. I guess you should just go up to her and tell her how you feel about all of this." I shake my head. "I can't do that," I say. I couldn't. "Well, then I don't know what to tell you," Haymitch grunts. "She confused me the day I met her and she confuses me now."

I put my head in my hands. "I came over here to get help," I sigh. He laughs, and then chokes. I almost smile, but I don't. "You would come to me… for help?" Haymitch asks. "Don't flatter yourself," I snap. "You're all I got."

Haymitch sits up on the couch and looks at me. "I can try something, but I can't guarantee it will work." He has a smile on his face, and I can guarantee that whatever it is, he's going to enjoy doing it and Katniss isn't. "Don't do anything you'll regret," I say. His smile stretches wider across his face. "Trust me," he says. "I won't regret it."


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay, we're back to Katniss' point of view! Oh, and just a little heads up! I start school this Monday so I will probably only get to update on the weekends from now on, if not every other weekend. Oh, and dandelionspring thank you for the advice! :) Okay, now to the story! Hope you guys enjoy!**

At about four o'clock this morning, I started to get anxious. There was no way I was going back to sleep, so I began rummaging through my closet, looking for something to do. I found an old piece of rope, not much, but it was perfect. At first, my knots were a little loose, but after a while, I remembered what I was doing. After I finished one knot, I'd undo it and start another, just like I did during the attack on District 13. I remember the sore hands, the fumbling fingers trying to do the intricate work. Oh, the memories.

Every few minutes I look at the clock. I've been doing this for two hours. I can feel the soreness starting in my fingers, but I won't be stopping anytime soon. Anything to keep me from falling back asleep.

There's a small knock at the door, and then it creaks open a little bit. "Who's there?" I ask. The door opens more and Haymitch steps in. "What are you doing in my house? Wait, how did you get in my house?"

"You leave your door unlocked," he says. "You probably shouldn't do that anymore. You don't know. Some strange person might just walk in one day." Really? Did he really just say that?

"Why are you here?" I ask more irritated this time.

"I have something to tell you," he says sitting on my bed. He grabs my hand but I yank it away. This isn't Haymitch. He's normally repulsive and mean. I notice he looks surprisingly sober too. "It's the boy," he sighs. "I got up an hour ago to feed the geese and I looked over to his house and well, I saw.." He stops mid-sentence.

"You saw what?" I ask.

"Katniss," he says. He sounds just like Gale did when he visited me after I got rescued from the arena by District Thirteen, like he would talk to injured prey. "Peeta's dead. I found him on his porch."

My heart stops, and it seems like everything around me stops with it. _Peeta's dead._ That's impossible though. He was just here a few hours ago.

"But he just left my house a few hours ago," I say unsure of myself.

"That's when they think he was attacked," he sighs.

_Attacked._

My hands begin to shake and it gets hard to breathe. I begin to gasp for air and Haymitch holds out his arms for me to go into them. "Come here, Sweetheart," he says. He pats my back and whispers things into my ear, but all I can think about is what a jerk I'd been to him- about how I pushed him away from me these last couple of days.

"The last thing- I said to him was to- to get away from me," I choke out somehow. "I was so mean to him!"

"Shhh," Haymitch whispers. "You know he loved you."

"That makes it worse, Haymitch!" I yell and push him away. I put my face in my hands and catch the tears as they fall. I lost him. I lost the one thing I had left. I lost Prim, my mom, Finnick, I never really had Haymitch to begin with. I could never trust him to be there. Peeta was the one person, that no matter how stubborn I was, no matter how hard things were, no matter how far I ran, somehow, he always found his way back to me. Now he's gone. Now I'm completely and utterly alone.

_Maybe I'll turn out like a morphlings from District Six, _I think to myself. _Maybe I'll turn out like Haymitch._ Without Peeta, where will I end up?

Haymitch pats my back awkwardly while I cry. "Who did it?" I mumble.

What?" he asks, unclear of what I said.

"I said," I snap. "Who did it?"

"We don't know," he sighs. "They're investigating it."

I thought after the war, Peeta and I would be safe. I thought that we could live our lives and not have to worry about anything anymore. I was wrong. I was very wrong.

"Katniss," Haymitch says. "You'll get through it. I promise." I think about it for a second. Haymitch lost everything. He didn't get through it. He spends his days drinking away his pain.

I shake my head. "After what I did to him, there's no way I'll get through it."

"What did you do?" Haymitch asks me, seeming concerned. I tell him about Gale coming and pushing Peeta away and the nightmare and how I lost control of myself and yelled at him right before he was killed." Haymitch listens to my entire story, occasionally nodding his head as I go. This is _not _the Haymitch I know.

"So," Haymitch says. "You realize now, that you need him?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, but now is too late."

He takes his hand off of my back and stands up. "It's not too late," he says with a smile. "I lied. He's at home asleep."

"What?" I scream and I jump up from my bed.

"He's at home asleep," he shrugs and smiles again.

"Why would you lie to me like that?" I yell, but I don't wait around to hear his answer. I run down the stairs and sprint across my yard to Peeta's house. Luckily, he doesn't lock his door at night either and I burst in. He's sitting on his couch watching TV.

"Katniss?" he asks. "Are you okay?"

I run up to him and embrace him. I feel the tears stream down my face, but now, they're tears of joy. "You're okay!" I scream. "You're okay!"

He pushes me away and pushes the hair out of my face. "What's going on?" he asks.

I shake my head. "Don't worry about it. Can you forgive me… for everything?"

I see him smile, that smile that tells me everything is going to be alright again. I love his smile. "You don't even have to ask," he chuckles. He looks down, and then back up again. "What did Haymitch do?"

"It doesn't matter, Peeta," I say. I debate on my next words, but then I realize I don't need words. Look how far words have gotten me. Instead, I lean down and put my lips to his. It's a short kiss, not like the passionate ones we've shared, but it means something to me.

"What are we doing, Katniss?" he asks. "You tell me what's going on, because to be honest, I have no idea."

"I don't know," I sigh and shake my head. Because really, I don't.

"What do you want?" he asks. Typical Peeta, so interested in what I want. It's never what he wants. When I don't answer, it's not because I don't want to. It's because I'm thinking. He shakes his head and stands up. "You let me know when you decide." He puts his hand on my cheek for a moment, then heads toward the door. I just realized this is about the time he goes to work.

I don't give myself time to process my next thought. I just blurt it out. "Marry me!" I yell before he opens the door. He stops and turns around with a puzzled look on his face.

"What did you just say?" he asks.

I walk toward him until we're face to face. "That's what I want," I say. "I want you to marry me."

"Why?" he asks.

I don't know why I want to marry him. I just know that I can't lose him again. Somehow though, the words flow out of me. "You told me once that you didn't want to change," I say. "You said you wanted to be yourself. I didn't understand what you meant right then. It took me a while. I've realized something, Peeta. I've changed a lot, and I mean a lot. And hey, sometimes change is a good thing, if you change for the right reasons. I didn't. I lost myself, Peeta, but when I'm with you, I'm myself again. I need you, Peeta. You make me…well, me."

He smiles that smile that I love so much and grabs my hand. "You don't want a formal proposal?" he asks me.

I shake my head. "I think this is just perfect." I squeeze his hand and he pulls me close.

"I think so too." He scoops me up into his arms. As he pulls me in for a kiss, I think, _That's my fiancée. _


	12. Chapter 12

**We're at Chapter 12! I believe we're close to the end of this, but I'll have another story up soon after this one's over. I say this has a few more chapters in it though! Don't forget to review and tell me your thoughts! **

Haymitch found out the next day. He laughed and shook his head, taking a sip of his tea. "It's about time you stopped being so ignorant," he said to me. I opened my mouth for a comeback, but I decided against it. Just that once.

I didn't want to call my mother. I told Peeta that right off the bat. She wouldn't come down for the wedding anyway. I figured it would be too much for her. I wouldn't want to make her feel obligated to come either. I've noticed how much more sympathetic I am about my mother's abandonment. Some people are just weaker than others.

In the end, Peeta won the argument and I called my mother. She was excited to hear from me again and even more excited when I told her the news. I even heard a sniffle or two. "I'm so proud of you," she said. "You have no idea how proud I am."

She asked when the wedding was and I told her, but then I said she didn't have to come if she didn't want to. "Are you kidding?" she asked. "I wouldn't miss this for the world."

Dr. Aurelius was the next one we called. I could just see him scribbling this on a pad of paper to add to our record. To him, all this is just proof that we're 'improving'. He said his congratulations afterward.

I called Annie, who by the way, is "about to pop" as she says. We invited her and told her we couldn't wait to see her and her belly. She giggled a little and then went silent again. I took it as her zoning out again and I did the honors of hanging up.

Johanna practically died of laughter when I called her. "I never thought I'd see the day that Katniss Everdeen got engaged… for _real_ of course," she said. She didn't even wait for me to invite her. "So what shall I wear?" she said all proper. I told her it really didn't matter, as long as she was _dressed_. She laughed at my joke and promised she'd wear _something._

Afterward, we called my prep team and told them they had another job to do if they were willing, then Cressida and Pollux were invited. They asked if they could record it and I said why not. Let the world see that Snow didn't beat us. This little ceremony will be a little victory in itself. If only I could somehow show him.

It's a week before the wedding and Effie is down. The minute she heard about the event, she called me and _insisted _on taking over all of the arrangements. All, except the dress. The prep team is doing that. I guess I kind of trust them. They were Cinna's after all. I don't really want to wear something pink and poofy with shoulder pads. I already cleared that up with them. That's what I'd be wearing if Effie was picking it. Instead, she's working on the decorations and venue, which I'm not allowed to know anything about until I walk down the aisle. I'm not even allowed to see Peeta until then. "It makes the ceremony more romantic and makes your reunion even sweeter," she claimed. We weren't too happy about that, but we made promise this morning to call each other every night.

Johanna came down today and is staying at my place until the wedding. In a way, I've kind of missed her. She was one of my only friends in District 13. We both had that spitfire that everyone hated, which made us a good pair.

I walk into the kitchen and find Johanna and Effie are already arguing about doves I think. I don't really pay attention though. I just walk into the living room and turn on the television.

"What do you want, Katniss?" Effie asks, sticking her hand up at Johanna. It's a miracle that Johanna didn't break her hand. "This is _your _wedding after all." She decides to tell me this one little detail so that she can reach a decision. She claims that I need doves to be released after the kiss, but Johanna thinks it's stupid. I have to agree with her on this one.

I look at both of them dumfounded. "Uhh… umm.." I say. "I guess no doves."

"What do you know," Johanna says. Effie just rolls her eyes and scribbles something in her notebook full of the wedding details that I know nothing about. I'm surprised she let me in on this decision, although I'm glad because I definitely do not want doves.

That night, I call Peeta after Johanna's fallen asleep. "Johanna and Effie are already about to kill each other," I sigh.

He laughs. "I bet it's interesting having them in the same house."

It's quiet for a second and then I say "Can you come over?"

"What about Effie's rule?" he asks.

"She's not going to know," I say. "You'll go to the bakery hours before she comes over anyway."

"Okay," he says. "I'll be right over.

Ten minutes later, I'm letting him in and he pulls me into his arms, putting his chin on the top of my head. "I missed you," I sigh, taking in his warmth and the smell of dill.

He laughs and kisses my head. "I missed you too."

We walk upstairs and I go into the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. I walk out in a pair of sweatpants and worn plaid t-shirt that I don't recognize. I'm almost to the bed when I see Peeta looking at me. "What?" I ask.

"You're wearing my clothes," he says, pulling the blanket over him. I look down at my outfit. Am I? I didn't notice. I just grabbed what felt comfortable to me. That's when I realize it. It felt like Peeta. I shrug. "I guess I am."

I crawl into bed and he immediately puts his arm around me, his hand going to my hair, twisting it through his fingers. I can tell something's wrong when he drops my hair and sighs loudly. "What's wrong?" I ask, looking up at him.

He shakes his head and rubs his eyes. "Nothing."

I pull his arm off of me and sit up. He's lying to me and I know it. "What is wrong, Peeta?" I ask more sternly this time. "I can tell when something's bugging you. And don't say it's nothing because it _is _something."

He looks down at his hands and twiddles them while he talks. "It's just that, I don't understand why you're marrying me. Three weeks ago you wouldn't talk to me. I just want to know what changed. What made you change your mind?"

I grab his hand and scoot closer to him. I look him dead in the eye so knows I'm telling the truth. He deserves that.

"I was confused, Peeta," I say. "Gale told me some things that weren't true and I believed him. I let it get to me and it shouldn't have."

"What did he say?" Peeta asks.

I decide to tell him. He deserves to know the whole truth. "He told me that you would never be the same. He said that I would never get you back." I look down at my hands and I feel the tears coming on. "And I believed him. Then Haymitch told me you had been murdered leaving my house that night and I realized that I really had lost you. When I thought you were dead, I saw no point in living anymore. Then he decided to tell me it was all a joke and I decided that I would never let myself lose you again."

He leans in and kisses me softly. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispers. "No matter what, I will always be here. Gale was wrong. Those episodes don't control me anymore. I control them. They're over quickly and getting shorter. I barely have them anymore."

"I know that," I say. "I shouldn't have believed him."

We lie back down and I wrap my arms around him. He kisses me one more time before resting his head on the pillow and whispering softly in my ear, "I'm not going anywhere."


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey, guys! I know I'm a little late on the update, but I finally got it finished! Not many chapters left! Don't forget to review and stuff! Enjoy!**

"You're really going to do this?" Johanna asks me. It's the day of the wedding and Johanna's trying her hardest to make me want to throw up.

I push my breakfast away, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach.

"Yeah," I say. "I am."

My prep team came down about three days ago with my dress design, ready to take my measurements. They said I've probably gained a bit of weight with my diet not being monitored by District 13. They took my measurements and then they set up their equipment in the study to work on what they call a complete 'masterpiece'.

They haven't left the study since that day, except to eat and use the bathroom. Sae has been cooking nonstop to feed their hungry stomachs and I can tell she's exhausted. She seemed happy about the engagement, but not really all that surprised. It seemed like she was waiting for it.

The prep team walks out of the study, each of them carrying a cup of coffee, their eyes drooping. "Finished," Flavius mutters and he goes to lie on the couch.

Octavia and Venia look at me like their ready to fix me up, but I see their faces and how tired they look and give them a few hours to rest. The wedding isn't until sunset anyway. I check the time and then go to put on my jacket and hunting boots. It's time for me to meet mother at the train station. I braid my hair back and then I head out. Johanna decides to stay at the house with the team, so I go alone.

I stuff my hands in my jacket pockets while I walk. I run into Susan, the woman from the store, on my way.

"Hi, Katniss," she says shyly, her twin boys and daughter holding onto her legs. "I never got to tell you congratulations… about the engagement."

I smile. "The wedding's tonight at sunset. I'd like it if you came."

She nods and picks up one of the boys that's sticking out his arms for her. "I'll be there."

I make it to the train station just as the train is pulling up. When I see her step off the train, I run, not even realizing it until I have her wrapped up in my arms. I squeeze her tight and take in the scent of her. I've missed my mother.

I pull away from her to look at her face and see that she's crying, and apparently I am too because she wipes the tears away from my face.

"Look at you," she says. "Just look at you."

"Well look at you," I repeat. "You look good."

I look away from her to see Annie standing to her left. I don't even think she's noticed that I'm here. She's staring off into space, rubbing her stomach, and muttering a little poem about a rocking chair. I touch her hand and she looks up at me, confused, but only for a moment. Recognition shows on her face and she pulls a faint smile.

Hello," she whispers and she puts my hand on her stomach. "Feel him."

"Him?" I ask.

She nods and laughs a little. "Say hi."

I rub her stomach where the baby is. "Hi baby," I say, feeling the tears running down my cheeks again. It's a him. It's Finnick's son.

On the walk back to my house, my mother mostly just looks at the ground, twiddling her thumbs. I try to make conversation with her, but it's short and her words sound uncomfortable. I knew she wouldn't be able to do this.

"Where's your bags?" I ask, noticing they're both empty handed.

"We have to leave right after the wedding," she says. "We only got cleared to leave the hospital for a day."

That's translation for "I can only handle being here for a day and Annie can't stay by herself."

When we make it to my house, it's all awkward, especially with Annie on the couch muttering the rocking chair poem, trying to tune out Johanna. Finnick might have liked her, but I can tell that Annie doesn't. Johann's quick to say whatever is on her mind, no matter how vulgar or violent it may sound. That plus Annie isn't a good combination.

"Where's Peeta?" my mother asks, trying to break the awkwardness.

"Oh, Effie said I can't see him until the wedding," I say. "It's some kind of Capitol tradition or something."

We lay around the hours for a few hours to rest up for tonight before my prep team is back to their peppy and energetic selves. They offer to makeover my mom, Johanna, and Annie, so I sit back and watch while the prep team brushes colors over their eyes and fixes their hair.

My mother looks at herself in the mirror almost in shock. Her makeup is very little, but she looks beautiful. She looks kind of like Prim. Her hair is in a braid like mine going down the back of her head, and then it twists up into a flower. The same goes for the other two girls. Johanna and Annie think nothing of the makeup and the braid. They've been made over several times, but my mother just can't stop touching the braid and looking at the makeup. I laugh a little at it.

After they're done, the prep team sends them out of the bathroom and gets to work on me. They wax me and pluck my eyebrows. Venia wasn't too happy about those. Octavia is pleased with me over not biting my nails. I guess I've gotten over that habit. I'm kind of glad too because that means no fake nails.

They don't do much with my nails, just paint. I see the orange and think of Peeta.

They complement me on my skin and say that it's getting better, although it still could use some touch ups. They do wonders with their tools because after their done with me, I can't even tell that I've been burned. I look so… so perfect.

They do a smoky look to my eyes but leave my lips bare except for a touch of lip gloss. When Flavius goes to do my hair, I ask him what style he's going to do. He just smiles at me and says, "It wouldn't be Katniss Everdeen's wedding without a braid now would it?"

Flavius looks at his watch and tells us all it's an hour before the wedding is scheduled to start.

"Time for the dress!" he chimes, clapping his hands together. He grabs a bag that was hanging off of the door and I take off my robe. "Close your eyes."

I feel the fabric slip over my body and then hear a zip. I feel something tied around my waist and then they grab me and pull me over a little bit.

"Open your eyes," Octavia whispers, and I do.

My eyes go wide and the smile spreads across my face instantly.

"It's beautiful," I whisper.

The dress is white and strapless, but connected to it is a lace bodice. The sleeves go down to my wrists. An orange piece of fabric is tied around my waist and my mockingjay pin is placed over my heart. I love the dress. It's so old fashioned. It's something like Cinna would design.

"It was Cinna's," Venia confirms. "He never showed it to anyone but us. He said Snow wouldn't like it because it was so classy and simple, so he never made it. We found the design in his apartment a few months back and when we heard you were engaged, we thought this was your dress."

I want to cry so bad, but I don't want them to have to redo my makeup, so instead I pull them all in for a hug.

"Thank you," I whisper. "It's perfect. All of it."

They invite the girls to come in and look at the dress and the second my mother lays eyes on me she tears up. "You look beautiful," she sighs, hugging me and kissing my cheek. Annie just smiles and continues to rub her stomach. Johanna gives her shrug of approvement and the prep team goes to work on Peeta, but not before I hug them again.

I close myself in my the bathroom, telling everyone the nerves are hitting. I stare at myself in the mirror and spin in a circle. _Twirl for me. _

I close my eyes and when I open them, I feel so empty. Cinna's gone. Prim's gone. Finnick's gone. My father won't be here to walk me down the aisle. My heart drops in my chest.

I hear a knock at the door and Effie says it's time to go. I'm ushered into a car and driven down to the new justice building, where I sit on a plush couch and stare at the clock. _Tick, tock. _

Not a minute too early and not a minute late, Effie gestures for me to follow her and as I'm getting up, I hear a "Smile. They're going to love you."

"Cinna?" I ask, but when I turn around, no one is there.

I walk outside and I'm ushered back into the car. Haymitch is in the car and he hands me a bouquet of primroses. "I'm here to walk you down the aisle, if you'd like," he says. I nod.

"Thank you."

I notice that I don't smell alcohol on him. "Thank you for being sober today," I say.

He rolls his eyes. "I've _been _sober for a while now," he grunts.

I look at him in shock. "Wait, what? How?"

"Greasy Sae's granddaughter," he says. "She got me to stop."

I see the meadow when we stop. There are several rows of white chairs lined up until it gets to a small white stage. I think I see Paylor standing in the middle of the stage and Peeta is standing right beside her, all smiles. I notice his green tie and smile. I see what Effie did there.

Sae's granddaughter has finished throwing the petals down the aisle and there's a knock on my car window, signaling it's time to get out.

Haymitch looks over at me and grabs my hand.

"You ready?" he asks

I nod, my heartbeat growing faster and my hands beginning to shake. "Ready."


	14. Chapter 14

**It pains me to say this, but I've decided to make this the last chapter. To all of you that have supported me throughout this, thank you and it really means a lot to me. I do promise to try and have a new chapter up next weekend, though! I'm not going to say what it's about, though. That's going to be a surprise. I hope you enjoy this last chapter! I know I enjoyed writing it! **

He opens the door and helps me out of the car. I look at the ground, feeling all eyes on me.

"Don't let go of me," I whisper to Haymitch, linking my arm with his.

"You got it, Sweetheart," he whispers back.

I notice Cressida and Pollux standing behind the chairs with their camera videoing, but I try to tune them out. I begin to walk and I'm conscious of music playing, but I couldn't name it if I was asked to. I see faces, but not many. There aren't many chairs set up. I leave a mental note to thank Effie later for the small ceremony. She did well.

I look up from the ground and as I do, I see a little girl standing at the bottom step of the stage. Her blonde hair falls in waves down her back and her hands are folded in front of her. She turns her head to look at me and gives me a smile. She nods her head and it's looks like she's wishing me luck, and then she's gone. I feel the shaking stop and I breathe a sigh of relief. She's here with me. Her and Cinna both.

I look up at Peeta and see his face and I begin to smile. Suddenly, I can't wait to get beside him. Haymitch helps me up onto the stage and I fix my dress as he does so. He kisses my cheek and then places my hand in Peeta's.

Paylor talks for a few minutes but I'm only conscious of Peeta and how handsome he looks. I see him mouth the word _beautiful_, and I blush a little bit.

After the long talk that Paylor gives the audience, she begins the ceremony.

"Peeta," she says. "Do you promise to love Katniss? Do you promise to share your joys as well as sorrows with her? To love her in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer as long as you both shall live?"

Without hesitation, Peeta confidently says "I do."

"Katniss," Paylor says. "Do you promise to love Peeta? Do you promise to share your joys as well as sorrows with him? To love him in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer as long as you both shall live?"

I look at Peeta and smile. I squeeze his hand and then nod my head. "I do."

"Now for the vows," Paylor says. "The bride and groom will be doing their own."

Peeta and I look around confused. No one told us we would be doing our own vows. I find Effie in the audience and she nods her head and whispers "Go on."

I start first, not really knowing what I'm going to say.

"Peeta, you were always there for me, even when I wasn't paying attention. You've saved me so many times, from others, and well, occasionally from myself. When I'm with you, I feel like a better person. You make me whole, Peeta. I vow to spend every day trying to deserve you."

"Katniss, I've known since I was little that I loved you. I'd always try to work up the nerve to talk to you and fail. Being here today, I'm the luckiest man in the world. I will love you no matter what we go through, now and forever. I will love you always."

I get chills and I squeeze his hand tighter. Paylor pulls two rings out of her pocket and holds them out to the audience.

"The wedding ring is a symbol of eternity," she says. "It is a symbol of endless love that these two now share."

She hands us the rings and tells us what to say.

"With this ring, I thee wed," I say. I slowly place the ring on Peeta's finger.

"With this ring, I thee wed," he repeats and he places the ring on my finger.

Paylor steps away from us, revealing three candles on a table behind her. The two on the outside are burning, the one in the middle unlit.

"This," she says, "is a symbol of unity. The two outside candles are lit to stand for your lives right now. They are two very bright lights. Now, as you join in marriage, you shall put these two lights together and become one."

Peeta and I each pick up a candle and place it on the third candle, igniting it. Paylor then instructs us to blow out our candles and place them back beside the middle one.

We then join hands again and Paylor continues.

"Now that these two have promised their lives to each other, I pronounce them husband and wife. Peeta, you may kiss your bride."

Peeta pulls me close and whispers "I love you, Mrs. Mellark," before dipping me down and pushing his lips to mine. Everything is silent and I feel as if it is just Peeta and I. It feels like an eternity later when we pull apart and when we do, everything is still silent. We turn to face the audience and then suddenly, they erupt with applause. The cheer and clap and scream for us.

"Mr. and Mrs. Peeta Mellark," Paylor yells over the crowd and then Peeta picks me up and carries me off of the stage and down the aisle. I'm laughing all the way to the car and when we are in, he pulls me in for another kiss.

"I can't believe this," he says.

We are driven to the new Justice Building and brought to the ballroom, where everyone is already seated and talking to one another. When we walk in, they clap and cheer again and I feel like I'm back in the Capitol.

We cross our arms and feed each other a piece of the cake we cut and then we cross our arms again and drink wine. We both talk to the guests and thank them for coming for a while, and we dance for a while too. All in all, Effie has done a remarkable job with this. She didn't go over the top, which is surprising for her. She might have had a bit of help from Johanna, though.

After a few hours of eating and socializing, Peeta and I are ushered back into the car as people clap and cheer again. We had both told Effie we didn't want a honeymoon, so we stop in front of my house that has become our home in the Victor's Village and Peeta carries me inside.

I start the fire and he grabs a loaf of bread that he made and a knife off of the counter. Everything is quiet as he cuts the bread and then he hands me a piece. I recognize it. It's the same kind he tossed me that day in the rain, full of raisins and nuts.

We hold our pieces over the fire until they are toasted and then we cross arms again and feed each other the bread.

Afterward, he pulls me in for a kiss that makes me feel the hunger I felt so long ago on the beach. He looks at the ground for a second and then back up to me.

"You love me. Real or not real?"

_Real or not real._ Over these last few months, I've learned that everyone has damage. We've all been wronged and we've all been abused. We just have to learn how either to push it in the back of our minds or to deal with it somehow, even though it could be painful. I've learned though that with pain comes progress. With progress comes happiness and meaning. Peeta is my happiness and my meaning now. He is my progress and he is the promise that life will go on. He is my dandelion in the spring.

I look into those blue eyes and know that life can be good. Peeta has proven that. That is what gives me the confidence to answer.

I grab his hand and say the one thing both he _and _I need to hear.

"Real."


End file.
